looking on the up-side of my life

It’s Wednesday, and I’m stuck at work. Instead of being at home, listening to music, dancing with zoe, I’m typing and answering phones, all alone.

Its hot today. I’m in a bussines attire that doesn’t match, and sewed side because I've been using this since college.

After I got myself an small bowl of pasta this morning, i thought it can suffice my hunger for the whole say.

Do you want to slap me yet? Because it’s this train of thought that made me want to soundly whack myself in the cheek. If I were the super amazing DJ I wish I were (yes, I’m a girl who’d like to be a DJ), you’d hear that Fat Man Scoop rewind sound right about…now.

It’s Wednesday, and I get a fairly (as it’s rarely completely calm in hotel business) quiet work day to catch up on some stuff. Stuff that needed doin’, darn it. I’m able to take a few moments during a busy work day and recognize my blessings. And I have a job to be stuck at on a Wednesday, which not everyone is lucky enough to possess. The family will be there when I’m done.

It isn’t even really that hot anymore, thanks to a little rain this afternoon. The cool breeze blowing. The trees are dancing in the awesome gloomy afternoon, which compliments beautiful sunset. And my business attire fits, is comfortable, and has kept me in a decent look.

I was able to have breakfast this morning, and sit to enjoy it. Who cares if I spill some on my balzer? That’s why the paper towel is in existence. At least, one reason.

When I get home, I will get to enjoy dinner with loving husband, wash my spillsome blazer, put on flip flops, and go to sleep safe and sound. I will wake in the morning, and remember that I am lucky to have these things, in addition to much, much more.

Today, I will remember to feel lucky, happy, and blessed.

my basic life principle

“Do unto others” does not mean whatever someone does to you, do right back. It does mean treat others in the manner we would like to be treated in always. Operating on the basic understanding that we all prefer to be treated with kindness, honesty, dignity, consideration, compassion, and respect this is how we should c...onduct ourselves in every situation. Positive action creates positive results. Simple.

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

Life often takes drastic turns. At times we may not know what is ahead. I have found solace in following your lead, confident that we are capable of facing whatever challenges may lie ahead. I look forward to spending an eternity with you. A compliment of you is what I strive to be. I am confident that we will live together for an indefinitely long time. Why?

I love you. I love you in every sense of the word. I love you with warm and personal affection. I love you as a dear family member. I love you romantically. Most of all I love you with the strongest form of love, a love that is an unselfish concern for doing what is right and good, whether it appears to be deserved or not. It is a love that covers mistakes. It provides the basis for “putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely.” Granted we all make mistakes, but this love allows us to forgive. This kind of love never fails. It is a perfect bond.

I deeply respect you. I want to honor you by being kind to you, respectful of your dignity and expressed views, and ready to fulfill any reasonable request made of me. I want to show my deep respect by considering what is best for you and giving that priority. I understand and accept that we may not always agree. It would be unreasonable to expect us to have identical opinions and views on everything. However, I do respect your views and opinions. I want to show my respect for your dignity as well by not making you the object of demeaning jokes or comments.

Because of the love and deep respect I have for you, I feel we can overcome any obstacles that may lie ahead. I feel we can have a happy future together, forever. There are many things I need to work on, many things I want to do but have yet to accomplish. I really need to work at communicating. Good communication flourishes when there are gently spoken words, gracious looks and gestures, kindness, understanding, and tenderness. I know I have failed at times to be understanding and to speak gently and for this I am truly sorry. While learned behavior is not an excuse for me to act in such a way, it may assist you in understanding. There are many personality traits I need to improve on. I find more and more aspects of my personality that need improvement each day. Please be patient with me as I try to make these improvements.

I am trying. I am trying to do what you need me to do. I am being patient but I must admit I am confused and slightly frustrated when my efforts to provide you with, what I believe to be, what you need are met with a less than positive reaction. At times I feel no matter what I do, or how, I am only going to succeed in causing you pain. I am being patient, and will continue in my patience, hoping to gain understanding in time.

I am learning to keep your interests first. You think this cannot be learned, I disagree. I have lived the majority of my life putting the needs of others first. However, for self-preservation I began putting myself first in order to avoid extreme pain and heartache. I had been trampled and beaten so often that in order to save myself from more harm I needed to put my interests first. I know I am capable of putting your needs, wants, and desires first and foremost. I know because it was a challenge to make myself less selfless and more selfish. I do love you and trust you completely. I need to recondition myself and readjust my thinking. I know you will not cause me any intentional harm. This knowledge allows me to make myself vulnerable again. I am able but most of all I truly desire to look out for your best interests instead of my own.

I love you sincerely, without reservation. I respect you deeply.

I miss you.

With all my love,

Heart

Once Upon a Fairy Tale

Sadly,
I still believe in Fairy Tales.
I still want the price rescues me from the monster,
I still dream about the happily ever after ending,
I still crave the one, the only one will find me.

Sadly,
I knew there is hardly any Fair Tales,
I knew I might be the only one can really rescue me from any kind of monsters,
I knew that happily ever after ending just the cover story,
I knew that there is no such thing is “The One.”

Last night I was thinking,
A friend asked me, “What are you thnking?”

I told her,
“I just want to find a guy that would chose having a conversation with me over watching TV.”

She laughed so hard,
I thought she might knock down.

“Mimi, there is no man on earth would do that!”
“Like your husband, he is so tired after whole day at work; he would take TV over me, Plus, it is his “personal space time, he deserves the TV.”

I understood what she was trying to tell me,
There is NO fairy tales.
Life is a hard, ill-planned play,
Get over it and get on your life.

Is that really true that once you married, or into a relationship for a little bit longer,
There will be nothing to talk about but the salts, toilet papers, and what’s for dinner?

Then,
Where are those passionate moments when you two first met?
Where are those sweet memories when you two were just one year into the relationship?
Where are those hot, sweaty lovemaking when you two just cannot keep the hands away from each other?
Where are those deep conversations when you two share your dreams together?

Really?
The steady relationship takes all of those away?
The family responsibilities take all of those away?
The love for your children take all of those away?

Or,
Those passionate moments are burying into the day so-called “anniversary,”
Those sweet memories only appear in your family albums,
The children are the result of those hot, sweaty love making, then that’s it,
Those deep conversations are about your two jobs, life, stress.

The little girl inside of me still believes in Fairy Tales. :-(

BREATHE AND LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I’ve had some difficulty in coming up with a word to frame my goals and intentions for the year which is why this post is 24 days after the new year. I’ve been thinking about it for a while though and I thought had it figured out until I started writing about it.

I began with focus because a major goal for this year is narrowing down my “to-do lists” and placing my energies toward things that matter, clearing out some of the distractions I seem to be caught up in. I liked the word focus because I liked the idea of seeing more clearly by adjusting or sharpening my view. But there was something not quite “enough” about it once I started writing my goals for the year. Once I read a friend's post on actions that help encourage follow through, I began to think about the phrase that says, “breathe” and “live in the moment”. When I thought of it I am reminded to breathe, to stop and pay attention, to sharpen my perspective instead of looking at everything in a huge way and concentrate instead on what is required in the moment. But it’s also about being present and accepting what is happening now instead of looking forward or backwards. For me, the moment is about letting go and not feeling like I must control everything. It means trusting in the bigger picture while staying present in the daily stuff.

Though I may come off as a confident person in some areas, I’m incredibly insecure in others. Since I graduated, I feel like the insecurities are making themselves known in detrimental ways, particularly in my career but also in my personal and emotional life. I need to trust myself and my ability to make decisions. I need to give myself some credit and realize that I am good at what I do, or at least I have the potential to be. If I could get out of my own way and stop second guessing myself. I need to trust in something bigger than myself, in the universe, in good. I need to rely on my instincts so that I am better able to place my energies into specific projects and moments instead of all over the map.

Some of my goals for 2010:

Continue to learn to cook, try out new recipes and take joy in the process. I’d like to cook more; I want to do a recipe a week but I’m not sure we should eat that much fat but I do have friends and neighbors who would enjoy more calories so we will see how it goes. I’ll look over the recipes and see what I want to make and start next week.

I’d like to plan a vacation that is not related to work in any way and truly get away with zoe and my husband. But I’d also like to visit new places (domestic travel preferred) and some of my old friends there as well as see my brother and relatives more frequently.

Mostly I’d like to settle in to my life (and this where living in the moment began to emerge for me). I know that sounds kind of strange. But I’ve been in a kind of identity crisis since I graduated and left life as a student behind. School was my safe zone; it always has been. I knew exactly what was expected and I was really good at it. I don’t know that I realized how deeply embedded the identity of “student” was in my psyche.

I’m trying to relax into this, professional identity and that has been more difficult than I expected. I think it accounts for a lot of my struggles in the classroom and the need to prove myself, thus taking on too many projects (so weird to account my college life 4 yrs after graduation, hehehe).

So, my major goal for the year is to look at this place in my life, a place I wasn’t sure was possible for me and take a deep breath and accept it in all of its messy and wonderful ways.

...I am so incredibly lucky to be here and I don’t know why I’ve been so resistant to saying, yes, this is my life.

...I am scared, I think, to step out embrace where all my (and those who love and support me) hard work has led.

I remember when I received my college diploma and thought now what?

What do you do when you’ve reached the one point you’ve been striving toward?

You set new goals, of course, but there’s a lot to handle emotionally and even though it’s fantastic to realize your dreams, it’s also terrifying.

I’ve tried to express this turmoil multiple times but I think now I have a better handle on what, specifically, I need to do to move past this and onto the next big things. And I want I need to do sounds really simple, but it’s harder than you think to be in the moment when you’re so used to looking ahead.

I’m not saying that I will stop planning or looking ahead, but that less energy will be spent in planning and more energy will be spent on doing.

That’s what I think living in the moment is all about, experiencing and doing.

Last year was about enriching my life, about adding to my knowledge and understanding, and adding to my life.

This year is about discovering what I might have and where I might be and who I’ll be with.

To help me do that I’m going to see and discover whats in store there for me, an incredibly cool and amazing idea from a mentor that seems so damn perfect for my living in the moment phrase for 2010.

I feel that the universe is supporting my endeavor!

just maybe

Maybe. . we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe . . . when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new
one which has been opened for us.

Maybe . . . it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it,
but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it
arrives.

Maybe . . . the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of
everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe . . . the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past;
after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go
of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe . . .. you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to
go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance
to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe . . . there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a
spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from
your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you
appreciate them more.

Maybe . . . the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and
swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe . . you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person,
too..

Maybe . . you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe . giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will
love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in
their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe . . . happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all
those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can
appreciate the importance of ll the people who have touched their lves.

Maybe . . . you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for
wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because
it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that
makes your heart smile.

Maybe . . you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough
trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough
hope to make you happy

Maybe . . . you should try to live your life to the fullest because when
you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but
when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you
crying.

Maybe . . . you could share this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship. And if you don't, don't worry; nothing bad will happen to you. You will just miss out on the opportunity to perhaps brighten someone's day..

Things I Miss About You (that it hurts..)

a.k.a. Why I'm almost crying right now
a.k.a. Why this hurts so God damned much

His breath on my neck
His heartbeat
Being snuggled
Snuggling him
"Good morning"
Silly nicknames
Snuggling so long I don't have time for a shower
Crawling back into bed for just two more minutes of snuggles
No really, just two more minutes
"Have a good day"
"Want breakfast?"
"See you later"
"I love you"
"I'll miss you"
Calls at work for no reason
My house
Love notes in my lunch
Rushing home to see him
Having someone to meet me at the door
A hug at the end of a long day
Cooking for someone
"Dinner was fabulous"
Cooking with someone
Having someone to shop for
Having someone to shop with
The way he drove the grocery cart
Snuggling on the couch
Negotiating for the remote control
Smiling at him
Giggle fits
Secrets
Watching him when he doesn't know I'm watching
Looking up to see him watching me
Winking
The fact that he can only wink with one eye
The fact that I can only snap my fingers on one handr
"Where do you want to go?"
"What do you want to do"
Dressing up
Going out for dinner
Quick kisses
Passionate kisses
Stolen kisses
Wearing his shirts
His body heat
Washing his hair
Making love in the bedroom
Making love on the couch
Making love on the counters
Making love on the kitchen table
The sparkle in his eyes
Knowing he's safe
Hearing him tiptoe in
Holding hands
Him watching me undress
Being kissed all over
Making his birthday special
"You look great today"
His smell
Him carrying the heavy stuff
Him reaching the high stuff
Butterfly kisses
Naps on sunny afternoons
Going for walks
Going to movies
Eating ice cream
Taking care of him when he's sick
Feeling beautiful
Feeling special
Being loved
Being wanted
Being cherished
Feeling protected
Feeling safe
Our room
Our trees: faith, hope and love
Our neighbors
Making anniversary plans
Buying birthday presents
Buying anniversary presents
Buying Christmas presents
Buying Valentine's Day presents
The place we'd stop for breakfast
"Let me help you"
Being somebody's
Knowing someone is thinking about me
Having someone worry if I come home late
Our retirement dreams
Talking about growing old together
Watching the wrinkles appear year after year
Scratching his back
Being in love
Being loved
Looking at our photo albums
Hearing him sing in the shower
Singing to him
His "I'm sorry" look
Talking about the old apartment
Talking about our school days
Knowing how far we came together
Laying out his work clothes for him
Him polishing my shoes
Him ironing my clothes
Washing his clothes
Rubbing his back
Being hugged from behind
Being touched
Loving my life
Running down the driveway barefoot in the hallway for just one more kiss
Watching as he leaves
Watching for him to come home
Warming him up when he's cold
Taking baths together
Knowing exactly what he means
Knowing exactly what he wants
Finishing each others thoughts
"Let me get that for you"
Playing in a swimming pool together
Taking trips together
Tickling each other
Dancing in the middle of washing dishes
My hopes
My dreams
My friend
Being good enough
Getting roses
Presents for no reason
Him holding me when I had a bad dream
The sound of his voice
His smile
His laughter
Pillow talk
Falling asleep together
Us
... :-(

The Art of Letting Go..

Honey,

I wanted to apologize for some things that I may have done to drive you into the arms of other women while I lay in bed sleeping at night, just after praying to God thanking him for you and asking him to please watch over you, like I did every single night.

I am so sorry that I am always exhausted ... to tired to spend time with you. I don't know why I am always tired. There are plenty of women out there who have a stressful job, then come home to care for a child and a house. Why on earth would I be tired? Especially since we are both working all day. I completely agree that I should have had gone being boring with you EVERY TIME you wanted to, because after all, being boring, it makes the world go round!

Everyone knows that marriage cannot survive without being boring each week. How ridiculous of me to not consider this!

I am so so sorry that I didn't stroke your ego every second I had the opportunity. I'm sorry I didn't drop my purse and files and run to you and JUMP on you every time I came into the door after work! I am sorry I couldn't initiate sex whenever you wanted some, because after all, wives ARE mind readers, right??

I am sorry that we had only 4 days off a month together, and I didn't want to spend those days each month traveling to see your family. I am sorry I never wanted to do what you wanted to do because I should have recognized that you were PRETENDING to want to do the same things as me!

I should have known that when we spent sometime being together, you didn't really want to be with me. When you left me love letters, they were all lies. When you bought me gifts, there were out of guilt. I apologize, because I just didn't see it!

I am sorry for not telling you repeatedly how much I needed you, because for some idiotic reason, I thought it was more important that I wanted you.

After a dreadful thinking of lost and regrets, I told myself that having someone who doesn't know where to put his balls to rest does not deserve anybody especially myself.

And the only regret I have now is that I wasted so much sense in me for being SOMEBODY to some idiot like you!

So Goodbye..

I'm sorry.

...can anybody find me somebody to love?... (a lady's quest in finding her one true love)

’ve been thinking about this a lot as of late. Why, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because a friend of mine has been lamenting on the same thing other single women have, that it’s really hard to find someone decent nowadays. Mind you, I don’t have an advanced degree that proves I know what I’m talking about. I only have around twelve years of relationship experience and an opinion about the whole thing. That’s it.

It seems to me that a lot of single ladies are searching for the “right” one. Mr. Right. A soul mate, the one we are meant to be with until the end of time. Our guaranteed happily ever after. I know I did. When I was searching, I referred to him as The One (this was long before Neo of The Matrix fame was The One) and in my mind, when I found him, he would be It.

So I found my first Neo as a boyfriend and we spent around two years together before he decided I wasn’t the One and took off. Naturally, I spent a great deal of time licking my wounds and trying to rebuild my life. I hate starting over.

So, blaming my friend for bringing up the topic, I began to think. What is “right”? If I ask you for a list of attributes that Mr. Right must possess, you could probably tell me what they are without thinking about it too much.

But what if you had a crystal ball that would allow you to see twenty years into the future … and the Mr. Right that you married, firmly believing that he was It, is now shacked up with your best friend? Was he really right? Was he the One? If you get many years of happiness, but not forever, is it right or wrong? If you don’t get forever, is it worth it to try?

I think the notion of Mr. Right, or the soul mate is lovely, but was probably borne out of a romance novel by some poor person who really needed something to believe in, something to hope for. More likely, in my humble opinion, there are many people you are compatible with.

Nobody ever sets out to have their heart broken. Nobody likes it and nobody wants to do it more than they have to. So, if you set aside the idea that soul mates don’t really exist (except in those famous romance novels), then what criteria do you use to determine that this guy or that guy is someone you could spend your life with, while still doing your best to avoid having your heart broken? And for the love of God, Angie please take note!!!

Obviously, it has to begin with a spark, that physical attraction that provides the impetus for us to move toward some kind of union. After that, you have to be willing to risk losing—your heart, your lifestyle, and you must be able to let go of your fear. If you get past all that (and he does too), then maybe you start thinking about the future. Again, skipping over the soul mate notion, consider whether or not he’s good to you. Is he good for you? Do you both want similar things in life?

When I look back at my past relationships, I can see that it was more likely to fail than succeed. Of course, I see that now, after it’s too late. What went wrong? He was good to me and good for me and we did (seemingly) want the same things from life. For a while.

I have to endure this trial and error test until I found my husband whom I'm happily married to. The factors below are simple things I consider to be happy and less hurt.

Everyone knows that communication is important in a relationship but I think a willingness to change and grow with that person is also important. People talk about compromise, and that’s a part of it, too, but it can’t be the kind of compromise where one wins and the other loses. At least not all the time, because the one losing is eventually going to become resentful.

So is there a key, some kind of code to follow to increase the chance of success? Well, I do think rushing into a relationship is generally a bad idea. Some people can and have done it, but by and large, I think it’s best to ease into a relationship, to build a commitment to each other over time. This allows you to occasionally step back and ask yourself, is he good to me? Is he good for me? Do we still want the same things? And, obviously, he should be asking these same questions. Looking back, I see now that I didn’t do that and I’m guessing he didn’t either. I’d like to say that I was busy with life, but what I really think was that the commitment wasn’t there, right from the start.

The bottom line is that there is no guaranteed happily ever after and, in my opinion, no Mr. Right and no soul mates. There is only the world you build and the happiness/contentment you have has not been handed to you as a gift from above. Instead, it’s something the two of you built because that was what you wanted and believed in and continued to do so even when it got a little rough. Especially when it got rough.

Mr. Could Not Be More Wrong

I see it over and over. Great woman, smart, beautiful, successful, madly in love with Mr. Could Not Be More Wrong. What in the world is this all about?

A friend of mine is a creative genius, beautiful and charming. She lives with a man who is being unfaithful. Still, she stays because she “loves him.” At least in this instance, she is not supporting him financially.

Another friend is bright and beautiful and very successful. She lives with an alcoholic, who is chronically unemployed. He gets jobs but can’t keep them. She worries about the guy’s health, but he and she refuse to address his addictions. It’s the elephant in the room. He’s emotional and so sensitive. Uh huh. She assures me that she “loves him.”

I can’t help but wonder what is going on with these women. Do they have low self-esteem for some reason? Are they women who feel like they can “fix” a man? Are they just that afraid of being alone? The interesting part is that I doubt any two women’s reasoning is exactly alike. I think there are people who feel that they are powerful enough to change another person and it can oddly enough be an ego trip for them. Strange creatures, humans.

I cannot help but feel that you do not “love” someone who isn’t good to you. Being good to you includes pulling their own weight financially, as well as treating you in a way that makes you happy, not miserable.

I could have titled this article “When Good Men Love Bad Women” because the same things apply. I know a number of great guys who seem to fall for selfish, conniving, cheating, unstable women, usually over and over again.

:-(

SUPERFRIEND

It was last night with what used to be considered “The Ladies Man.” It had taken months to finally have this time talk again. Once your best guy friend FINALLY uses the phrase “my girlfriend” pertaining to a girl involved with him romantically, things do inevitably change. No longer can he just hang out with his female “chums” whenever he wants. It seems that “the girlfriend” just has a tiny problem with the girls he once collected. In my mind, we’ve always been as platonic as brother and sister. In her mind, she swears it’s more. Quite honestly, in his mind I do believe he wishes it had been (hahaha ang yabang ko!).

In the three years since we've met, SF and I have developed a truly special bond. We keep each other connected to what happening with us. We’ve been there in the “ups and downs” and the “thick and thins”.

He claims that loosing weight is what happens to those who practice after 6 diet and drinks a lot. It’s proven true for him.

I couldn’t help noticing the high hair line on his head that seem to broaden at an alarming rate. As vain as he once was, this still rock his comfortable world. Gone are the days of clubs, endless drinking sessions, and late nights with the boys. Will sure be replaced with dinner dates, movies for two and the other happy ever-afters. I'm sure there will be discussions of petty argument, kiss and make up scenarios, and DVD marathons, far outweigh any other topic and can readily consume entire evenings.

There is a sense of comfort between us. We laugh of days gone by as he shares all the ways he knows he’s getting older. He smiles his boyish grin as he explains that all the young beautiful girls have now become unattainable fantasies. They once shared his sweet stares especially if hes drunk., making all these girls always think they have something going on. O yes, my SF made so many girls cry. He will soon realize that he will still lust after them, they just don’t lust after him anymore.

I reminisce of all the crazy men that he saw me through— “my husband”, the “super in love” the “all flash and no cash” types. Yes, I did have an affinity for the “all-sort” types. It always amazes me to think back and know of the choices that I made. In case I forget, SF is always there to remind me. After all, what other reason could there have been for me to not have dated a cool, drummer, unique “Ladies man” like himself? Hmmmmm a lot!!!!

I remember watching him as he stuffs as much chopsuey into his mouth. He visits me drunk on time it made me uncomfortable until he notices and apologies for his rudeness. I just smile. This is a comfort that long time friendships bring and I wouldn’t replace it for anything. There' a moment of silence as he sighs deeply and that familiar look comes over his face. He says how much he misses me. I just miss the time together.

I asked about the girlfriend. “Ok naman”, he says. “Medyo selos yun kasi I call u SF”. Since I have known him, he has always had a strong desire to get into a relationship. When he met the girl, I was truly pleased. I could not wait to finally meet her.

He shares with me the perplexity of the female species and their ability to hold onto any wrong that was committed. He lets me know that “guys can just forget about that stuff. Within hours they don’t even remember what was said, nagpapalambing lang madalas.” Though he does let me know of the important topics men have. Topics like “sex … sex … and then sex again.” Those types of discussions carry strong significance and are always remembered. He also lets me know that men can just have sex even if they’re angry with their spouse. He wonders why women can’t. I don’t even try to shed light on that. Some things you just don’t resolve over a telephone conversation.

I can still remember the night that asked me to come over and cried on my shoulder as I tried to console him. His last affair had just broken the news that a girl is bearing his son (which later on he found out it was not his). I asked him, “why this time”? He said he got overwhelmed, that he likes kids, but not now, and other stuff like it is really not his. He's got so damn scared of the word PIKOT. I figured since the girl was the kind who just sleeps around, and nags at me for being the SF, she could probably find another father to claim it. Pretty sure she's got a list of names there. He did not listen to my reasoning though. It was as if part of him really liked the agony of the many trials these women put him through. He likes drama especially when he's drunk I must say.. “When are you going to find a woman who loves you for yourself?” I asked him. He gave no response. Needless to say, that relationship ended at that very moment.

I look at him now as if I were the proud parent of a child who finally turned his life around. He is now the boyfriend all the other past girls wished him to be. And I'm pretty sure that its not easy material, and I pray that she is the solid and loving woman that he needed all along. I sense a peace in him that can only come from having finally found the place in life where you belong. I guess we all have to pay our prices for a while until we finally learn our lessons. Eventually, life does bring us cherished rewards.

I look forward to giving each other a hug goodbye. This is to let him know how much I appreciated those times together. We decided to have our first last date. We agreed and I said I just have to work it out in my schedule before his girlfriend won't permit him to see any of me anymore. He said he wont let it happen and he'll still see his SF whenever its necessary, and she does not need to know. I asked why? In a familiar style he told me that she just wouldn’t understand and he’d rather not have to explain.I asked if he would rather be honest, instead of her hearing about it from someone else? He said “Bahala na!” A typical male response. I laughed as I ended the phone call with my SUPERFRIEND..

Upon having this all said. I’m left feeling somewhat melancholy as I finished this essay. Our distance felt like so far. No farther... Maybe because we just spoil each other so much that I thought he'll always be that SF I had before and nobody will ever replace me for looking after him. I was relieved at the same time because there's that somebody who will take care of him now, someone who will understand him the way he wants to be understood, who will accept him not just because she's crazy about him but because she loves the person he is. Some things a SuperFriend cannot give.

when a door closed... (blah blah blah)

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

We hear this quote, or one quite similar to it all the time, whenever something bad happens in our lives. The breakup of a relationship, the loss of a job, whenever those things happen, someone will invariably pull out this phrase, nodding wisely as if they are imparting the most important piece of wisdom in the universe. We hear the phrase often, but do we ever really listen to it, think about what it means, follow its words?

It was last year, I was turned down on something I would really love to have. Like as if this job will make my life better... At the time, it seemed like the end of my world. I moped around, did nothing but lament telling myself that I was never really good enough, and generally make everyone around me miserable. Of course, someone pulled out the old “when one door closes ...” phrase, and of course, I merely rolled my eyes like I had every other time I’d heard it. But later on, when I was alone, I heard those same words again, and I thought about them. I decided that instead of continuing to look at the closed doors, I’d look at the world through different eyes. I decided to look for those doors around that might be opening, to keep an open mind and explore whatever opportunities that presented themselves. I decided that what the hell—I had nothing to lose, right?

So that’s what I did. I continued working, I did things beyond my duty, I talked to people. I got on with my life. And you know what? Eventually, other doors did open, and had I not kept an open mind, they would have passed me by unnoticed. But instead, I saw each open door for what it was, took a deep breath, and walked on through. And I cannot say that for one second that I’ve regretted that decision.

For those of you going through something that it seems you cannot get through, let me share what I’ve finally learned at twenty-five ...

Whatever it is you’re stuck on, let it go. Look to your future. We will always see the past as better than it was, the present as worse than it is, and the future as more unclear than it truly will be. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Be open to new opportunities, new friendships, new loves. Trust in the fact that everything happens for a reason. It’s a cliché, it’s trite and overused, but generally it’s true. You never know what lies around the next corner - it could be the love of your life, the job of your dreams, or anything in between. Don’t close your heart or mind to that possibility.

Be happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy NOW. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether its with friends or with your family.

Be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. Dream what you want to dream. Go where you want to go. Life is too short to spend it hoping to change the unchangeable, and wanting what you cannot have.

Don’t waste your life looking at that closed door and hoping that it will magically reopen. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it won’t. Instead, look for those doors that are opening around you all the time. Find that open door meant for you, and go through it. You never know what awaits you on the other side.

Funny!!!

Funny how two people's insignificance is being played out big ...
Funny how the things two people try to avoid catch up with them ...
Funny how things long gone try to resurrect themselves ... and fail ...
Funny how fate seems to make fun of them, leaving these two people staring at an intersection ... face to face
... how they would have hugged but ended up shaking hands, and the crowd goes between them as it always does.

Funny how big the conflict gets when one shut himself up and try to agree with her
Funny how he'd realized that the person that came before her was no match for her
Funny how he learned to hate her a lot just because he learned to love her
Funny how he blamed her for things beyond his control
The crowd gets in between, and yet they struggle just to show each other ... they’re smiling.

Now ... funny how he'd made her smile by just standing before her
... how glad he is that she hold no grudge on him
... how glad he is that she remembered him and how he almost lost it when he thought she didn’t remember him
Funny how so many questions have their answers at one smile.

It was funny how he was looking for love when love was right on his face
Funny ... isn’t life funny ... for making them go through all that merry-go-round chase just to end up where they are now ... scared, tired ... and smiling.
Funny how he could read her, how she could read him ... but still end up unsure ...
Funny how, as he looked back, he'd come to realize ... he never felt as safe and just as thankful when he was with her.

Funny ... just funny how inspired he'd become now that she's gone
With this smile playing on his face because of her ...

Funny how some things can't just fall into place ...

he has to let her go...

His kindest friend, she don’t know ...
She's not a big mistake ... He know that now.

Moving on..

How does one respond to what is, undoubtedly, just one of many breakup scenarios: “Hey, you’re a wonderful person … but I’m still in a singles mode … but I do love you …”

Well, first there is “Ouch!” I'm sure.

But before you slide down that slippery slope of misery, reach for “He / She is just not that into you” (the movie). It’s filled with the kind of common sense reminders anyone can benefit from and could get you to that ”Whoala!” moment quicker than my friend. Confidants are good and necessary, however. They are obliged, sincerely so, to act as a soothing balm serving up spoonfuls of wisdom like: “[blank] is an [expletive] … and so unworthy of you anyway, etc. etc.” along with other “feel better” thingys and all other abused phrases for feel-good purposes.

Yet, what is the message? How should you interpret it? And, more important, what do you do? Is it a teaser? A trick? No. It’s an open and honest confession of that person’s preferred social lifestyle. It says, “I like you. I enjoy being with you, but I still want to enjoy many pleasures, and if you are so inclined, you are welcome to continue to enjoy what we have … but!" Yes, and therein lies the rub. The bite is in the butt. It really depends on the dumpee.

For some, it is easy. We may choose to do so depending on the perceived love and strong desire for the love object, simply because we too want to share ourselves with the world. Alternatively, some decide this lifestyle is not enough and it will give honor, love and respect their own “Self’s” desire for exclusivity by seeking other more rewarding and reciprocal pleasures and passions. The desire is to graze where the grass is plentiful and much (much?) easier to digest. This too is good.

Relationships are like living cells, dividing and renewing, splitting off and coupling here or there—or, nowhere. Citing the analysis based from my friends' different love stories I think that people use all means today to “disaggregate, slice up, and repackage their emotional and physical needs, servicing each with a different partner, and hoping to come out ahead. Often they will be on the verge of spending the evening with one partner, when an opportunity arrives from another with a potentially better offer. To guard against not being chosen at all, and I quote, “sigurista tayo madalas, and everybody has a back-burner of their own, which they maintain with open-ended relationships.”

This occurred to a friend while still in a relationship with the nicest guy she ever met in her entire life somewhat chooses to swing on the other side of the river. When she thought she will be happier with the new guy she broke it off her boyfriend and enjoyed the company and got crazy. Thing turned she got hurt in the end, sad part is she has to endure so much pain all by herself because she just expected too much, and all she can do is to avoid it.. There's nothing to end.. They were never "officially" together.

The question became “how can you break up if you were never officially together?” My answer: What is “official?” Don’t kid yourself. You were together just without the acknowledged, albeit, verbal commitment. It was in many instances implied. It was implied simply based on the social lifestyle you shared with the Other through your physical and emotional intimacy—you know, the waking up together, the having breakfast, the spending the day doing normal things (or heck, not so “normal” whatever that is). It was the what? The grocery shopping, going to parties, socializing with friends, or even taking care of one of another in sickness, in health—attending to one another’s needs—physical and/or emotional. If this level of interaction occurs on a regular basis, daily or weekly, and with relative frequency and regular contact, it is a relationship.

You may ask, “but if there is no verbal commitment; they could leave you at any time? What if you never got clarity that it was a commitment?” This is tricky, rightly so. If you asked and were told no, that’s a different story. If you never asked, the relationship was still aqueous and flowing and a certain commitment is still inferred based on your habit / attitude, suggesting a certain situation. And the statistics on annulment and marriage in the Philippines tell us, surely, that even in a marriage, there are no guarantees. One or the other may elect to leave at any time. Words, however, are more concrete gestures, and yet…things change.

The bottom line is, well … the bottom line.

What’s next?

Another dear friend decides, after hesitantly ending a relationship (of almost a year) to “just put it out of my mind. Not think about her. I choose not to deal with emotions like that. I will just hide my feelings in the event hardening call us that is becoming my heart, hoping that I will forget about her.” So, do you really think you are just gonna “wash that woman right outta your hair?” Just like that? Great! What’s the recipe?

The strategy involved taking it “week-by-week with no contact by email, or phone.” Hmmm, week-by-week? The reality is that it can actually be more like minute by minute, particularly if you have shared so much oxygen together. It can be challenging just to get through a day without some small thing reminding you of something said, or done or experienced with the other. What about the thoughts or feelings a particular song may say? Or a favorite television commercial that tickled you both? Or, a favorite venue, restaurant, coffee shop? Or an event you may have participated in? I know for myself, each time I walk by a particular place, I think of someone I shared a really lovely, fun and funny day with. All these seemingly insignificant (at the time) memories require time to fade way. Reliving them can feel like little pin pricks, reminders of something gone, some “thing” that is no longer “something;” A something missing from what is in sum just a part of life’s ever changing landscape.

Allow yourself to be human, to feel those feelings, all of them, whatever they are. That’s ok. Let it hurt. You are not a robot. Why hide yourself, from your SELF? To thine own Self be true, right? Allow yourself to experience it all, good and bad. Sometimes a good cry can do wonders. The next minute you may feel just fine, in control, even. Feel it, then smile and then keep moving. Otherwise, the potential to become bitter increases.

“But it’s confusing!” you say. Yes, of course it is. Of course you are confused. This is normal and quite natural, even necessary. This is your moment of truth. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself square in the eyes, admire your face, your hair.

Look at yourself and say: “I Love You, [your name here]. I’m proud of you! Thank you for being good to us.” And then, believe it.

Back to the bottom line
If they are not, whispering those words that “melt” you:

“If this life ain’t good enough, I would give my world, my life to lift you up…I can change my life to better suit your mood….you got the kinda lovin’ that can be so smooth?”

Then it’s time to say, “… give me your heart, make it real, or else forget about it.” And then, just forget about it.

If it hurts too much to stay, then it was time to let go. If you walked away, think of it as a gesture of love toward yourself, of respecting your own needs while also giving the Other the space to continue to grow and be who they are, who they want to be. It’s a win-win situation. And the truth is, you just never know what’s next.

Sometimes you have to let go in order to get to the next step. “Never compromise yourself, it is all you've got.”

I'm about to say "that hurts!" (almost)

Why is it so hard for so many of us to say, “That hurts”?

I am not just talking about finding our voice when in the orbit of an aggressive person. No. I am talking about life. Why is it so hard to speak up, to articulate our emotional pain, to indicate when something or someone hurts us?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I have been hurling that trite childhood lesson. “Use your words,” I tell Zoe this when she is frustrated because she can't get her toy or milk or when she is upset about something a bit more complicated. Use your words.

I tell her this and I mean it. Words are powerful things. Here, I weave words together and this makes me very happy.

Recently, someone really upset me. This person didn’t do anything truly vicious or conspicuously conniving (well I was just being nice here). I don’t think this person intended to make me sad. I’m not even sure this person has any clue that I was (and still am) sad. But things this person did and didn’t do, said and didn’t say, hurt me. And I didn’t say anything. No, I rolled around in my hurt, letting it seep in, and then sulked away.

Now, I am not a super-confrontational person, but I am not a doormat either. More often than not, I say something, something diplomatic when I feel so inclined. Customarily, I do not sweep things under that proverbial carpet. I am not one to let things fester.

But. Here I am. Being a doormat. Sweeping things under that soiled existential carpet. Letting stuff fester. Not using my words. Rather, using my words, different ones, to bemoan the fact that I don’t know how to use my words when they matter most. (Uh oh. I just had the thought that maybe we sentimental writers-wanna-be are the biggest cowards of all in so far as we type and type and type because we are too scared to actually say these things aloud to people we know and love? I don’t like this thought, so I will ignore it. For now.)

Why is it so hard, so impossible sometimes, to say two simple words: That hurts? Maybe because saying these words isn’t so simple at all? Maybe it’s because we think we somehow deserve the pain? Maybe it is because we are afraid of graying blue skies? Maybe because we think there is something instructive in feeling pain, that there is something to be gained? Maybe it’s because we believe, if unconsciously, that fleeting sadness is like temporarily sore back muscles, hard to weather in the moment but a means to something greater and truer and less twisted?

Why is it so hard (for me, for some of us) to utter those two simple words? And if it isn’t hard for you to say these words, please share your wisdom.. please..

Instability of my Brain Cells

I once heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Being the analytical person that I am, I am somewhat puzzled at why I have not been able to completely curtail this behavior in myself. I can see so clearly after the fact, but when I’m “in it”—well, that is a completely different story.

Of course this thing strikes many of us in various parts of our lives. Sometimes it is with our romantic relationships, sometimes with how we handle parenting our children, it could be the way that we do our jobs, and other times it is with how we act or react to our parents’ unsolicited advice for us.

In all cases, however, it seems to me that it might be the illusion of control that is the driving force behind some instances of insane behavior. Or maybe it is just that we see what we want to see and ignore the rest, that is, until it jumps up and bites us in the ass. Either way, my sanity has come into question recently and I think it is time to rid myself of the old behaviors and try something new.

My marriage to a diagnosed “untreated” non-emotional person after I had “had enough.” Since we have Zoe together, this is not a relationship that I wish will not end and with no future contact. We had to find a way to communicate and co-parent to the best of our abilities. After two years of honeymoon period, we have made significant progress—or so I thought. We began sharing a few minor details about our personal lives.

But then it happened. I made a mistake, one for which I did apologize, but nevertheless a mistake and now the backlash has started. He rants and raves and blames. Everything that could have or has gone wrong in the last years before we got married is now all my fault (again). I actually used to believe this garbage! You see, I was never allowed to make mistakes. Not then, and apparently not now. He’d probably blame me for the war if one broke out today!

I realize now that engaging in this “friendship” behavior with an untreated non-emotional person is no different than trying to stay married to one. It’s like trying to drag your friend on a marathon run when they haven’t even run a 5k yet (I haven't either, but it feels like that). We are just at two completely different levels of maturity. There are substantial reasons why the marriage will not work out I'm afraid and it would be very wise for me to remember those reasons when the delusion of a healthy friendship comes trotting along again.

Insane? Yes, but it was temporary. My faculties are all now back in working order and the pebbles in my brain—well, large marbles as may be the case since I’m pretty witty—can continue along the beaten path to a happy and healthy future with those that are capable.

I LOVE MY HATERS! ...tsup, tsup, muah, muah (i swear im trying not to vomit!)

We are all familiar with this dynamic. When there is someone in your life that does not believe in you, they do not support your dreams, or people you do not even know will try to bring you down. It’s their job to abominate, express a strong feeling of disgust and hate towards something or someone that they are just plain jealous of!

Jealously is a waste of energy, energy that should be applied towards support and giving love to the people you love in your life. But I guess these people are placed in our lives for a reason, they are what I like to call “Road Blockers”. It's up to you to find, another route around these “Road blockers” to get to your destination “Success.”

I have learned that one of the ways to get ahead in life is to learn how to deal with people! All people ... Because wherever you go, trust me there will be someone that will give you a hard time. Co-workers, Public Places ...

I just smile, get what I need, and keep it moving. At the end of the day everybody is happy.

These days support is hard to find, friends and family are busy caught up in their own lives. So I highly suggest you find love in all the wrong places! What this means is, turn all your negatives in to positives.

“Haters,” the people who doubted you, they should be your motivation! Not an influence but the drive behind all you do ...

For me, it’s not about proving to the non-believers, it’s about believing in myself and respecting the struggle. This helps develop Thick Skin, and a Back Bone. With faith and knowing even when its rough and things aren't going so good and the people around you are negative remember frustration breeds motivation!

Be successful and let the haters know you love them!

Love Your Beauty!

Me and My Boys :-)

There have been countless books, situation comedies, songs, and even college courses dedicated to the emotional and psychological differences between men and women. By now, it’s even possible that the similarities between men and women are teetering dangerously on the edge of indicating we’re two completely different species all together. We have completely different outlooks on sex, cars, kids, taking out the garbage, food, clothes, driving, directions, dogs, shoes, money—you name it. But lately, I feel like I have made a sneaky sort of discovery that laughs in the face of Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus; male behavior can rub off on women, and it might even improve us.

My prime example lies in watching my own thoughts about relationships with my friends. Over the past year, I’ve spent a lot more time around men than I ever have before. I never really had girl friends of my own, so when I started dating my current husband, naturally his friends became my acquaintances and/or casual friends, and now I’m around a pack of men on a fairly regular basis. As time passed, I couldn’t help but observe hours worth of communal male behavior and thought patterns play out before me like an educational circus. I watched drunken falling over concrete walls, name-calling, and Rock Band jam sessions. But I also saw communication differences that are prospects I only dream of: short phone conversations, lack of expectation (resulting in no letdown in a friendship), brutal honesty, and best of all, one-minute arguments followed by a friendly relationship that seems to deny that the confrontation ever occurred in the first place.

Let’s be honest—while having girl friends is great, it can be pretty damn tiresome sometimes. Most women do not let feelings go quickly or easily, nor do we forget what we see as social or friendship wrongdoings. If a close friend forgets to call us and wish us a happy birthday until the day after because they were ging somewhere and accidentally forgot, we can hold a grudge up to a year. If a man is in the same situation, the guilty party apologizes, a “Hey man, it’s cool. Thanks for the birthday wishes,” is declared, and all is right with the world. It’s a beautiful, simple system, and I envy it completely. To be fair, I have seen a few unspoken male feuds that involve enough closed-door trash-talking to make any woman who revels in drama proud. But even so, most male arguments end in one of two ways: in a physical fight, or peacefully without mention of it again.

As a result of spending significantly more time with men over the past years, some of this mentality has influenced my thinking. I may not let things go as easily as my male counterparts, but I certainly have a much lower tolerance for tense, drawn-out theatrical relationships. If I have a problem with someone, I am much more likely to tell them, and much less likely to care if they hate me for it. I am much less likely to coddle unhappy friends who are miserable for completely ridiculous reasons. While this may sound a little heartless, I have hardly become heartless and cold. I just have developed a much lower tolerance for bullshit.

It’s possible that this change in perspective and no-nonsense attitude I’ve developed is a result of some “real-world” maturity. I’ve also been working over the years, and thus have automatically become more adult, whether I choose to acknowledge it with a matching mindset or not. But then again, I’ve watched enough horrible, brain-rotting reality shows featuring successful, “mature” women to realize that drama is just as prevalent with thirty-something women as it is with high school girls, if not more. In that case, I consider it entirely possible that some healthy male outlook has cleared up some of my crazy female drama-clouded vision regarding confrontation and arguments. It doesn’t make sense to talk about how much someone pisses you off to our six mutual friends, but hug them and act excited when we see each other.

I am a strong believer that women are a little crazy, and men are a little unobservant. But women are also warmer and more emotionally available, while men are more notoriously more logical and level-headed. There are good and bad sides to both sexes. And I’m not ashamed to say a little of male good has influenced me. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for me to “man-up” in other ways as well. Over time, I could become slightly more aggressive when going after things I want. But this situation begs a yet unanswered question--have my girl friends influenced my boy friend’s way of thinking? Has he become more emotionally available? Or more dramatic? Maybe it will take more time to tell.

“Just smile to me when everything feels like falling, so I’ll know your still there.”

Right now, I really don’t know how to describe what I really feel. There are lots of things in my mind that are really bugging me off, like family issues, about what awaits me. But with all sorts of the mind-boggling phenomena, there is this one thing that makes me feel like giving up. There is like this full gravitational pull in me that says, “Keep on going.” Well, there is this one factor that makes me feel excited of all that is happening right now, even though there are a lot of things to do and all. Well, to make the story short there is this friend that makes me feel all right in spite of all things. I know he may not be aware that his presence makes me feel fine with all sorts. He is like this (or my) gravitational pull that makes me stay and makes me want to do everything.

The thing is, never did I expect that we would be friends. The thing is, I’ve known him before not because of a friend or something. We simply crossed paths; I mean, funny how circumstances happen. I mean it’s really funny how the universe conspires—and how your birthday is an important date to me so that i'll never forget. So it goes...

There are still a lot of thoughts I want to share here. But I’m afraid to tell because I’m afraid that if I tell it so, I might just hurt myself. I have learned a lot and I don’t want to put an end to this. I’ve learned that sometimes it is better to keep things inside of you for a while just let it flow and the answers will just come up to you face-to-face. We do not want to rush things, I’m happy at the moment. I am happy that we are in this somewhat connection that I really appreciate and do value, and hope he does, too. Right now I’m glad to have met him, have talks with him, hear and see how he laughs, his simple ways, the way his eyes make a glance and all. I’m glad we’re friends. I’m glad how his name makes every mind-boggling phenomenon, makes everything organized in an instant.

This indescribable feeling that Aladdin and Jasmine have sung for years is indeed inexplicably true because it is in fact happening to me. Funny as it may seem!

Don’t know where I read this quote. Kind of like it! “Just smile to me when everything feels like falling, so I’ll know your still there.”