Funny thing about crying: you could always pull it off by saying that you just sneezed, or you just woke up (or perhaps yawned) and most people will never guess that you are actually tearing up. But for me ... what gives me away is my red, runny nose!
Today, my self-esteem dived about 2 million miles down (happens when you’re hurt by a person you care about ... you get it). I wish I could dig a hole all the way to the North Pole and bury myself in it because of ... shame. Tears would be the natural reaction but I tried all my willpower to NOT make them fall. But ... it was inevitable. However, I would still not show my tears because I still think it’s a sign of weakness and stupidity (an impulsive thought I hope never to think again).
I tried everything to cheer me up ... reading, occupying myself with a report i have to finish, even shopping ... but still nothing! (It was THAT serious). Usually I shop and buy stuff impulsively when I’m down but this time, it just wasn’t doing anything to me. I even thought of cutting my hair but reason started to kick in and that would have been the most impulsive thing I could have ever done. (I’ll be the loser here ..) Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer and I went home and cried. It was a very good cry ...
The heart may be broken but it beats nonetheless. And I believe that.
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