i analyze things, i shouldn't be thinking in the first place! what's wrong with me?!!

Excited, I've spent a lot of time thinking about all of people who reads my posts: who you are, what you're like, what you like to do, whether or not the carpet matches the drapes. In fact, I daydreamed about you so much that, without intending to, I crafted a list of statistics about you:

1. As I wrote this, 75 of you were having sex. (High five! after you've washed your hands. And as if 75 will read this post anyway.. )
2. It's even possible that 2 of you were doing it with each other. (It could happen.)
3. 21% of you ride scooters for fun on the weekends. (Helmets, please.)
4. 16% of you are not wearing pants.
5. 4 of you still drink Tang.
6. Of the16% of you not wearing pants,
7. 2% of you are touching yourself inappropriately. (Stop it. You can wait until you've finished reading this post.)
8. 3% of that 2% you are going to want to tell me you really were touching yourself. (Don't.)
9. 100% of me wants to switch the topic.
10. 12% of you are eating some sort of whole grain cereal for dinner. (That's not enough for dinner. Eat a piece of fruit. Monkeys like bananas.)
11. 56% of you like hats.
12. 89% of you also write a blog.
13. One of you is a secret mime and spends too much time thinking about how to use keyboard symbols to make a box in the comments.
14. 3% of you are seriously into Heavy Metal. (\m/)
15. One of you has man hands and keeps Asian teens in your basement. (You know who you are.)
16. Three of you attend a monthly nerdie event.
17. 30 of you don't like me anymore.
18. 7 of you are using a keyboard missing its "S" key.
19. 63% of you dance it out in the dining room when you have the house to yourself.
20. 24 of you read romance novels but don't admit it.
21. Everybody likes saandwiches!

If these stats are accurate, it would surprise the crap outta me I don't think I have any reason to fret: you newbies are really nice, and the alumni are just as weird as you are.

Thanks for reading!!!