where do broken heart go? (for candice)

August 19th, 2009 …
 I called it like I saw it, and yet, you called me “crazy”... looks like I wasn’t so crazy after all.

“Randy” and “Rona.” one year ago, Randy told me that he and Rona were “just friends” and that I was being “crazy.” 
Randy and I were having a rocky relationship and began spending time with different groups of friends. I knew Randy and Rona had recently become friends at that time and shared several mutual friends, therefore hung out often. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, mainly because I was trying not to think about Randy at all. But in the beginning of August, Randy and I decided to try and patch up our very confusing relationship.

This was when my intuition about Randy and Rona emerged. I only saw Randy and Rona together once, watching the two of them interact that one time was all it took. I had a strong feeling that there was something more than friendship surfacing. I knew they had feelings for each other, even if he was not willing to admit it ... yet. 

So now here we are... Randy and Rona have been together for i don't know how long. Sometimes it sucks to be right. 

I’m constantly wondering ... will it last? Is she really the “one” for him? If so, there’s no hope for my friendship with Randy to be restored in the future. On the other hand, I remind myself ...

He is happy now, and I won’t ruin/interfere with that. It took him twenty-three years to meet someone that he’d want to call his girlfriend; and now that he’s found her, I won’t allow myself to be selfish and make things difficult for him. I won’t resent him for finding love just because it’s not with me. It’s best for our paths to split. As I walk away, I will do so quietly. I do have to admit, I glance back every now and then on that ten-mile road that we once traveled on together. I can’t help but notice the scattered memories of our years happily, unhappy, unique, once in a lifetime, friendship.

Yet when I catch myself sneaking that peek back to our past, I do not experience feelings of sadness or anger. I always find myself turning back around, towards my new single path, with a smile.
“You can’t erase who we were or what we had. No one can. We burned so bright together. You won’t lose that.”
 I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and I still hold true to that. That belief is what gives me hope. I’m confident that every moment that we’ve shared together in the past, and every moment that we are apart in the future, has a purpose in our lives. 
I’ll forever cherish every memory of Randy; and I’ll always be grateful for the friendship we held onto for long, complicated, unforgettable years.

Randy is a significant piece of my past … and nothing that happens will ever change that. I know our connection was real, and packed with deep unconditional emotions, and yet, that made it all the more challenging. A feeling that I’ve never experienced with another before. I know I may never encounter a bond like that again, and the thought renders a world-wind of emotions. I feel scared, apprehensive, and even a bit cynical, then again, I feel content. I value the friendship Randy and I endured over the years and I’m lucky to have stumbled upon his path in 2005.

I know the value in our meeting, and even in the struggles, detours, and crashes that emerged along the way—and I wouldn’t change any of it; for it inadvertently guided me safely through many hardships in the past. I know that I now must continue on my own journey, and leave who we use to be behind me. I must move forward on my newly made, unclearly marked path. Nevertheless, I still hope that someday Randy finds his way back to me; and that his path once again intertwines with mine.

 “I’m not quitting. I’m walking away from something that’s broken. But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.

**Candice2010**