one goodness at a time

As I was having my after lunch rituals, with smiles all over my face, I was hit..

This boastful smuck talked to me like he knew it all. "It doesnt work that way now mimi" imposing a "Hail me!" tone (though I was just reading it on facebook but I'm just that great so I'm certain about it). It almost ruined my day. But then again, after reading it again, it didn't. :)

I saw one of my facebook friend post a status asking for help on how to get a passport in a flash, aparently this guy doesn't want to do it normally like getting an appointment on-line. So as an act of random kindness I gave him the best advise I know (that happened to be effective to people I know). I told him "process it with a travel agency _ _ _ _. " We were in the same industry so I was quite confident that, well yea, he might agree. But instead I got boasted on, and it looked like I don't have an idea of what I am blabbering about.

A normal human reaction, I was like "ang yabang nitong gagong to ah."  But thank God my good 'ol friend conscience was there to remind me, that I was the one who offered help, and he doesn't owe me anything, so I better suck it up, and move on.

There are times that these simple things like this can hurt us. Maybe not the type that we will be moping on for the next 24 hours, but reached the point to make us feel bad. Simple example for a bigger scenario, that when you showed someone you cared and was dismissed you feel bad about it, because the caring you gave is not acceptable to them. 

My dad always told me when I was still a kid, "ang importante, nakatulong ka.." and I used to always advise it to people as well. That when we give something away, give it with heart and never complain. Take the risk and accept.

One goodness at a time, things we can do to make a better world to live in. :)

where do broken heart go? (for candice)

August 19th, 2009 …
 I called it like I saw it, and yet, you called me “crazy”... looks like I wasn’t so crazy after all.

“Randy” and “Rona.” one year ago, Randy told me that he and Rona were “just friends” and that I was being “crazy.” 
Randy and I were having a rocky relationship and began spending time with different groups of friends. I knew Randy and Rona had recently become friends at that time and shared several mutual friends, therefore hung out often. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, mainly because I was trying not to think about Randy at all. But in the beginning of August, Randy and I decided to try and patch up our very confusing relationship.

This was when my intuition about Randy and Rona emerged. I only saw Randy and Rona together once, watching the two of them interact that one time was all it took. I had a strong feeling that there was something more than friendship surfacing. I knew they had feelings for each other, even if he was not willing to admit it ... yet. 

So now here we are... Randy and Rona have been together for i don't know how long. Sometimes it sucks to be right. 

I’m constantly wondering ... will it last? Is she really the “one” for him? If so, there’s no hope for my friendship with Randy to be restored in the future. On the other hand, I remind myself ...

He is happy now, and I won’t ruin/interfere with that. It took him twenty-three years to meet someone that he’d want to call his girlfriend; and now that he’s found her, I won’t allow myself to be selfish and make things difficult for him. I won’t resent him for finding love just because it’s not with me. It’s best for our paths to split. As I walk away, I will do so quietly. I do have to admit, I glance back every now and then on that ten-mile road that we once traveled on together. I can’t help but notice the scattered memories of our years happily, unhappy, unique, once in a lifetime, friendship.

Yet when I catch myself sneaking that peek back to our past, I do not experience feelings of sadness or anger. I always find myself turning back around, towards my new single path, with a smile.
“You can’t erase who we were or what we had. No one can. We burned so bright together. You won’t lose that.”
 I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and I still hold true to that. That belief is what gives me hope. I’m confident that every moment that we’ve shared together in the past, and every moment that we are apart in the future, has a purpose in our lives. 
I’ll forever cherish every memory of Randy; and I’ll always be grateful for the friendship we held onto for long, complicated, unforgettable years.

Randy is a significant piece of my past … and nothing that happens will ever change that. I know our connection was real, and packed with deep unconditional emotions, and yet, that made it all the more challenging. A feeling that I’ve never experienced with another before. I know I may never encounter a bond like that again, and the thought renders a world-wind of emotions. I feel scared, apprehensive, and even a bit cynical, then again, I feel content. I value the friendship Randy and I endured over the years and I’m lucky to have stumbled upon his path in 2005.

I know the value in our meeting, and even in the struggles, detours, and crashes that emerged along the way—and I wouldn’t change any of it; for it inadvertently guided me safely through many hardships in the past. I know that I now must continue on my own journey, and leave who we use to be behind me. I must move forward on my newly made, unclearly marked path. Nevertheless, I still hope that someday Randy finds his way back to me; and that his path once again intertwines with mine.

 “I’m not quitting. I’m walking away from something that’s broken. But that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.

**Candice2010**

when tears run dry..

The first night was the hardest. There were bits of dirt on the cold sheets and the pillowcase was still damp with my tears. I hadn’t really stopped crying in the last eighteen hours, even though those hours felt like years. Every time I closed my eyes even for a moment, I saw him laughing, crying, yelling....

I knew the nights would be the most difficult. I knew that in the devastating quiet of those wee hours my heart was going to implode over and over again.

We had known each other for quite sometime, sharing many, many firsts. He was my best friend, the love of my life, my confidant, my dreamer. He was mine... and I was his. For years we had loved each other until it hurt, and in just a few moments it was as if none of it had ever even existed. Just a few moments. That was all it took to tear us apart.

I wish there were another word for “heartache,” because when the person you thought was the love of your life hurts you and then leaves, your heart does not ache, it doesn’t even break; it lives on beating and throbbing, but the pain is so much more than any ache. No, the pain is ... a living death. You long for another type of pain, any type except for the one slowly destroying you from the inside out; eating away at your body, mind, and soul.

You cry until you are too exhausted to even speak, and if you see even a scrap of something that once belonged to them, you die. A. Little. Bit. More. Suddenly, you are a caged lion pacing a very small, confined space and all you want to do is strike out at anyone that dares cross your path.

Will you ever be happy again? You wonder. That becomes the first question of many, many more that are guaranteed to follow.

No, “ache” is not the right word. Suddenly “ache” seems miniscule, comical.

But there is life after death, and as the minutes become hours, the hours become days, you begin to realize that you can feel again; other emotions than just sadness and anger. You learn to breathe without feeling as if your lungs are going to burst. That first, long breath you take from nearly drowning will always be the sweetest. Slowly, very slowly, you feel the living death begin to metamorphis into peace, laughter and yes ... even ache. And you are so very grateful for it.

A Sad Love Story

They were friends, sharing a few meals along with laughs in the park at lunchtime. A couple dinners together with nothing much more than kisses. He needed to know it meant something, and it did. It did to her, it meant everything, but she lacked the confidence needed to tell him. She was very rough around the edges and used humor to protect what she truly was. He took the safe route and moved on, leaving her to know, she wasn’t enough. He moved on with a girl to another almost immediately and she couldn’t face that fact daily. She needed to leave that environment and did. It didn’t matter; she could never really leave him behind. He was in her heart and he would remain there always.

They managed to connect a few times over the years, updating each other on the growth of their families and careers. When they would meet, their eyes would lock. She would spend days wondering if he could see right through to her heart pounding. Did he know how much she loved him? He always looked so sad and worn out. She could heal him, protect him, and love him. She knew it. She wanted him to know, but again, she could never find the words to tell him.

Then it happened. The timing seemed as if it could be right. They had what seemed to be a sanctuary for a brief time. Finally, she had found the words and the courage. She told him. She prayed for the happiness to last, learning quickly that fairy tales don’t come true and it’s better sometimes not to live a dream. When the dream is gone, you’re left with nothing. Hollow, her heart empty and sad, she was told once again that she wasn’t enough. Never enough.

For Candice :)

I quit everything. But I’ve never quit on love.

I love to love and I love being in love.

It’s the one thing I’m pretty good at, even if my significant others were not.

I’m a sappy person. In fact, I like chick flicks and, even more so, the romantic-comedy genre. For some reason, it’s easy for me to fall in love even though I’m scared to death of being heartbroken.

When you’re in love, you open yourself up to another person. Once your heart is open, you are vulnerable to attack.

Love is hard and complicated to understand. It’s not something you see, but rather something you can only feel. Sometimes, it can be hard to detect, especially if you’ve been heartbroken before. Nonetheless, soon you will recognize that you’re neck deep in it.

No matter how hard-knocks I pretend to be on the outside, on the inside I want to love and I want to be loved.

I want a lifelong happy marriage—that fairytale life that movies are written about—but love like that is hard to find. How do you know when you’ve found it?

Are you actually in love or do you just love love?

Love has so many unanswered questions. For women, it’s a complex feeling to grasp, but since we’re emotionally wired, we strive for that complexity. We want that feeling of knowing that we’re needed and cherished.

Love makes us feel beautiful, like we’re the only woman in the world.

It is hard not to get caught up with the idea of love or to spend your time searching for it. We’re women and we are very in touch with our emotions—especially love.

And while we search for love, we must remember never to obsess about it.

Because loving love sets you up for heartbreak. When you love love, you will try to turn anything into a fairytale romance. You must distinguish between the two, even though it is complicated. See beyond the idea of the fairytale and see the man that you are with. Do you really love him, or do you just want the fairytale wedding?

Remember to be patient with love. Never settle. You will find love, and if you are patient enough, you will have it the rest of your life.

love will find me again

Ahh, love. It comes. It goes. It takes your breath away … leaves you floating on air. Then one day, it simply takes your breath … leaves you deflated, void of life, and gasping for the very air you once floated effortlessly on. But what goes up must come down, right? We fall passionately in love … can’t pull our otherwise rational head out of the clouds, not that we want to. Our love is intoxicating, empowering, and seemingly infallible. Little do we know? We trust that love so completely that before long, we take it for granted. Anything we take for granted, we neglect. A marriage neglected becomes a marriage ... fallible. What comes next? The better question may be what doesn’t come next? We may find ourselves in love limbo … somewhere between “in love” with our spouse and thinking to stay in-love with our spouse. No man’s land. We still love our spouse, but we’re not “in love” anymore. What now? Do we give up? Or do we fight for our marriage, rather than against it?

It happens every day to couples everywhere. Spouses fall out of love. They no longer feel that electric spark between themselves … no longer see in their spouse what they did once upon a time. They’re simply no longer happy with this person they vowed to love in “sickness AND health.” Of course, there are occasions when THINKING is the best choice. But more times than not, a couple who was once passionately in love can find their way back to that love...given a little effort and an open mind. Do you remember those heartfelt vows you pledged to your spouse? Do you remember the look in your spouse’s eyes when you were exchanging those vows? Do you remember the moment you said, “I do?” Do you remember the priest who wed you waving the “easy marriage” wand over your heads? Do you remember the marriage license containing a disclaimer? “Warning: Marriage will suck the life out of you. If you have a wandering eye, a short temper, a stubborn personality, a closed mind, or if you in any way, shape, or form classify yourself as HUMAN … you may want to consult your lawyer before entering into this contract!” Of course not! We don’t enter into marriage with the anticipation of separation. We’re too blinded by our love at the point of “I do.” But there will come a time … a time when you don’t share the same spark that once had the ability to set your whole “forest” ablaze … a time when you simply tolerate the other … a time when you no longer feel “in love” … a time when you wonder if divorce is inevitable.

You won’t be alone. When we say “I do,” it’s hard to imagine the profound reality of the next 50 years. As newlyweds, we’re infants in the world of marriage. We can’t comprehend the difficulty that awaits us … the stress of keeping mounting bills paid, raising kids whose primary job seems to be pulling us away from each other, meeting the needs of career, family, and life, in general. Romance is often times stuck on the back burner, metaphorically speaking, and forgotten about until we smell that “burning” stench lingering in the air. We forget to pay attention to it until we’re so far apart emotionally that it may seem too late … and we begin kicking around those word in our thoughts.

The fact is ALL marriages will go through these “dry” spells. This is the ebb and flow of marriage. Spouses fall in and out of love with one another all the time. We enter marriage “in love” …obviously. As the years pass and stress envelopes us, we may begin to neglect one another … and fall out of love. While we may still love each other (just as we love our family), we may not be “in love.” We may love him, but not like him very much anymore. We may wonder why we ever married this person to begin with. We may even be disgusted with our spouse on occasion. We may think there’s no hope … no way to get “it” back. Wrong again! By this stage in life, we should be growing accustomed to being … wrong … every now and then.

The beauty of love is that it tends to come full circle, much like that iconic, circular representation of it we exchange on the day we wed … the wedding band. Our love will start out in a state of romantic bliss. Bliss will fade. “Getting by” will become our daily struggle … but love will endure. That iconic symbol will withstand being left at home, being temporarily lost; being smudged by life’s daily messes … it will even withstand us outgrowing it (just as we do our love at times). But even with all the trials that band encounters, it remains an intact circle and very difficult to “break.”

Love will come and go. Someday, we’ll fall out of love with our spouse and find ourselves hovering in love limbo. But give it time … that love will return. Search for the charming, endearing things your spouse does, rather than focusing on the negative annoyances. One day your spouse will wink sensually at you, touch you lovingly, or kiss you in a way that reignites that “long been out” flame. That flame will cause your knees to grow weak, send your heart aflutter, and … hopefully, leave you in the throes of passion. All the things that made you fall in love in the first place will come rushing back to you … and possibly, leave you floating on air once again. On this day, your vision won’t be so utterly impeded by all of life’s messy trials. You’ll be able to see what initially attracted you to this person you pledged your life to. Once returned, that love will likely be stronger than ever before. After all, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger … right? Cliche, but true.

A love that once found us WILL find us again. We just have to do our part: be patient enough to wait for it and devoted enough to draw it a map.

For a Happier ME!!

Being twenty six in three month time, I want to share my list of coping with life. I have recently experienced the lowest point in my life so far and i was greatly affected, depressed in so many ways in almost everything in my everyday encounters. But through God's grace, I'm now okay..

1 .Be positive it made you keep going.
2. When make decisions, oversee the future, do not rush, think well.
3. Give yourself a chance for change unless it benefits you.
4. Its nice to be friendly, but do not give all your trust.
5. When your partner makes mistake give him a chance.
6. When already have children, they must be the priorities and never your own you.
7. Respect other people’s private lives, whether she has nothing or she has everything.
8. Do not expect an old classmate to have changed her attitudes, I tell you she is just the same.
9. Be contented of what you have, as long your work is clean, and never get stained.
10. Being too much rich cannot save you from death.
11. Be humble, people come to you, but being boastful people stay away from you.
12. Be open minded of what is happening to your environment.
13. Respect others religion, believe that there is only one God; never criticize them because you may not know when they are talking at your back.
14. When eating, think of the many children that barely eats a day, so you won’t eat too much and it saves your calorie in take.
15. Drink water, and sleep well.
16. Never waste your time to nothing, make something worthy if not for yourself for others concern.
17. Believe that every problem encountered there is always a solution, put aside suicide because when you die people tell that you are crazy … who on earth want to be called crazy.
18 Be supportive to your children, they will be thankful when they fulfill their dreams and you’ll be loved by them forever.
19. Be open to criticisms especially destructive because you will learn to improve yourself.
20. Your partner should not only be your lover but best friend as well.
21. The family is the best foundation to improve because it is them you first run to when in trouble.
22. Do not be perfectionist; you may be depressed when a single error takes place.
23 Do not allow boredom overshadow you, there are so many things to do.
24. Be thankful to your parents for that breath they gave you.
25. Thank God for your life.
26. Believe in yourself.